02 March 2006

Meet The Readers! Part 1


A short while ago I wrote you a letter titled People Are Reading Your Mail (or something to that effect). Well to prove that point, I'd like to introduce you to a couple of flesh-and-blood humans who actually eavesdrop (eyedrop?) on your correspondence. And speaking of eavesdropping, one of these guys actually works for the government. Not our government, mind you - that other government, the one that puts the "B" in BBC. Now then:

Meet Luke Keen!

Keen - Before Posted by Picasa

Keeno, Dukester, Lukem Dukem or Scrote. This dashing young denizen of London answers to 'em all. Keen wins his bread from The Beeb (BBC), albeit only scanty handfuls of it owing to it being a government post. Therefore, he is forced to supplement his income by going down to the docks each night to participate in England's Arse for Cash program, which is considerably more popular than the US Food for Oil program. (Keen points out that the term "arse for cash" is also a euphemism for selling things on eBay, and that he unfortunately has no oil to trade to the US. Well, not much anyway, other than what's already in the kitchen. -Ed.)

Keen - After Posted by Picasa

In his own words: "I regularly disappoint myself and working for the world best broadcaster (the BBC) does little to alter that opinion. I think I'm a funny bastard, who's wasted talents strangle me and drag down into the deepest darkest recesses of emotional despair, and I'm too lazy/ lacking in self confidence to pull myself out of it. If I could get a job as Devil's Advocate, I would smash it! I live in London, and love the place to bits!! It totally rocksaws!"

Keen is the genuine article, a stand-up guy with real wit and talent (musical and otherwise) which you can get a taste of right here in his blog.

Matt Meat Lange!

Paging Mister Bag! Mister D. Bag! Posted by Picasa

Everbody calls Lange "Douchebag", which is the self-same sobriquet he distributes widely upon his fellow man. He is employed, if by "employed" you mean "freelancing" - and if by "freelancing" you mean "unemployed". He is a designer by trade, if "by trade" you mean "something to tell chicks in bars so they don't think they're gonna go home with an unemployed guy". He smokes and has at least two thumbs.

What else can I say about Lange, other than he left the writing of this mini-bio entirely up to my malicious caprice? He's the outdoorsy type - snowboards, hikes, pees in the yard - that sort of thing. He recently had a very heated conversation on the phone with his sister which I overheard. As I recall, it came up just short of "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!", and it was over something like "who fuckin' drank the last of the fuckin' Sunny Delite?!!". I saw them together after that on Chinese New Year. They were all smiles, and no one was dead.

He's from Buffalo, and is therefore and enormous Bills fan - which in turn means that he is filled with the kind of hope usually reserved for the people who maintain a constant vigil for the Escape Ships that will land Any Day Now.

That's all the introductions I have for now, but owing to my calculations (and the distribution list for this blog), I have about three hundred seventy nine more people for you to meet.

Cheers, and give my best to Marie.


1 comment:

luke keen said...

Yaay!!! I'm famous!!!

I have the ThadGunn ™ seal of approval, and nothing's gonna stop me now!

by the way, I don't in any way endorse forms of extreme political/ socil views, am an inclusionist, a hippy and a lover not a fighter.
The Hitler moustach was to freak my mates out. and people down at Sainsbury's supermarket.