02 March 2006

Meet The Readers! Part Deux

Greg:

I prolly oughtta explain that I started this whole "Meet The Readers" thing by sending out a list of four questions to the whole "Dear Gregory" email list. I thought I should "prime the pump" as it were and give people a place to start if they were going to tell me something about themselves.

Oh yeah. And I prolly oughtta explain that there's a whole "Dear Gregory" email list. Greg? There's a whole "Dear Gregory" email list. (There, I explained it.)

So anyways, here are two more honest-to-Church flesh-and-bone people who peep at your mail.

Meet Dave Crawford!


A Google search of the term "Dave Crawford" returns
this image, whereas...


...a kindly-worded email to Dave Crawford returns
this image.

Dave and I went to high school together in Creston, Iowa way back before the InterWeb was invented. If we wanted to surf porn on the InterWeb back then (and believe me, we wanted to), we had to do it the old fashioned way. We had to carve it ourselves out of birch. After graduation, he went and circled the globe and came back. I left and never returned.

I can't possibly top what Dave had to say on his completed questionnaire, so I'll just let him speak for himself - which he does, very well.

What do they call you back home? Crawdad.

What do you...uh...do? Drink beer, ride my Harley and shove Snopes down my relatives' throats by responding all. I lure young women to my hot tub and ply them with alcohol. I killed a gopher with a stick once. (And he also makes music, which you can listen to here. Not the dead gopher. I mean Dave. -Ed.)

What would you like to know about Greg? Why don't you ever write? PCs go both ways (as do some of the hicks here in Bumfuck --- so I've read).

What would you like Greg to know about you? (Please, I draw the line at descriptions of birthmarks.) I know a million jokes on almost any subject. Some of them are funny, like this one: Two muffins are baking in an oven and the first one says "Man, it's hot in here", to which the second replies "Whoa, a talking muffin". I used to be a yuppie but now I scoff at them. Life is too short.

Isn't it ossum on a hot summer night when you put your arm underneath your pillow and it's still all cold under there, like some kinda "coldness magic"? (yes/no) Yes; on particularly balmy nights I may flip the pillow several times to take advantage of the newly-cooled outer edges. The older I get the more appreciative of the thermostat I've become even though I have friends who are all "outdoorsy" and like to camp in the yard or keep their bedroom windows open even when it's obviously the wrong choice. You can die outside. I checked Snopes on that one.

Meet your brother Tom!


Not pictured: rocket launcher, murderously enraged hell-hounds,
beautiful daughters. Posted by Picasa

Long on brass, short on words, and more gold teeth than an Incan mummy: What are three things that describe our brother Tom, Alex? Ding ding ding! It's a Daily Double!

Your (or our, if you count me) brother Tom has a farm - e i e i o - on which he apparently raises opinions, then slaughters and butchers them for consumption on the Web. Think I'm lyin'? Take a look at his blog.

Now for his almost koan-like to-the-point answers to the questionnaire:

What do they call you back home? Define "Home" white boy.
What do you...uh...do? What do you ah do?
What would you like to know about Greg? What's "like" got to do with it?
What would you like Greg to know about you? (Please, I draw the line at descriptions of birthmarks.) Second verse, same as the first. (Readers: at this point, you fully understand Tom. You really, really do. Watch, he's gonna use the term "nukkin futs" pretty soon. I guarantee it. -Ed.)
Isn't it ossum on a hot summer night when you put your arm underneath your pillow and it's still all cold under there, like some kinda "coldness magic"? (yes/no) Are you nukkin futs? (Bingo! -Ed.) That's what they make AC for. Everybody knows it's cold under your pillow because that's where the ghosts live.

Man, this stuff is easy. It practically writes itself! And that's because it does!

There will be more soon. Much, much more. In the meantime, cheers and give my best to Marie.

-Thaddeus

2 comments:

Aaron? said...

Haha, I nearly died over that there muffin joke. You could say it was, "nukkin futs."

Anonymous said...

Well hey now, In all fairness I do know this Dave Crawford guy and I AM one of those outdoorsy friends of his who does like to camp in the yard or outside and sleep with the windows open. So kiss my patoot! You know who this is, don't say you don't. And you can only die outside if you are a weenie who lives in Iowa even when he really deep down wants to live on a boat somewhere warm! Woo, Boy did THAT feel good !!!! And hello Dear Gregory guy, Dave has told me about you. It's good to know you. DebSarna